YOU’VE HEARD IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN…
Forgive those who have wronged you.
Forgive them because God forgave you.
Forgive them because it is the right thing to do.
Forgive, forgive, and forgive.
But what they don’t tell you is that forgiveness is a process. It is a process which takes time to complete. And once you’ve completed the process, you’ll have forgiven the one(s) that violated you.
One of the reasons you can’t forgive is because you see yourself as the perpetual victim. According to Psychology Today, a perpetual victim is “someone who has identified with whatever crises, traumas, illnesses or other difficulties have occurred in their lives, particularly those that began very early in life.” Your decision to forgive is based solely on the fact that you were victimized. The longer you hold on to the “state” of being a victim; you begin to blame yourself and you don’t realize you are doing it.
Because you believe you played a role in the violation, you can’t forgive yourself. How can you possibly forgive someone who has violated you? And that starts the victimhood process all over again. At some point, you must realize that it was NOT your fault.
The Way Forward
To reconcile your head with your heart, you must allow yourself to express the emotions associated with the incident. If you are angry, be angry. If you are sad, be sad. If you want to cry, cry. Whatever it is that you are feeling, release it. Releasing it clears your head and heart space so that you can process things differently…more effectively and efficiently. Releasing it clears a path for you to dig up the root of unforgiveness.
Grace Changes Everything
Once you reach the root of unforgiveness, allow grace to remove it. Understand that what has happened cannot be undone but it doesn’t have to define who you are—who you want to be. Immerse yourself in grace.
After you’ve forgiven yourself, you will fall in love with yourself. And that is when you realize how valuable your emotions are and you will release any negative emotions, including unforgiveness.
At the end of the day, forgiveness has NOTHING to do with the offender but all to do with YOU. When you forgive, you take back your power and you move from victim to victor!
So, are you ready to FORGIVE?