I’m just going to come right out and say it but when you don’t deal with your emotional baggage, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
What is Emotional Baggage
Emotional baggage is the insecurities that you carry based on your past experiences. This baggage can be inherited from your family or it can be developed after a traumatic experience.
Emotional issues that are detrimental to your growth and maturity.
To be clear, the emotional baggage itself isn’t a bad thing. It’s when you choose not to deal with it that makes it dangerous.
What the Baggage May Say About You
You were hurt
It means that you were hurt. At some point in your life, you were betrayed and your trust was broken. You are left with the pain of that experience and doubts of healing and wholeness linger throughout your being.
You are guarded
You’ve built up a wall to block others. The problem is, you’ve not only blocked others from looking in, you’ve blocked yourself from looking out. The reason you do this is so that you don’t get hurt again.
At this point, most of your relationships are surface level…no one is getting in because the wall is too high.
You don’t trust yourself
You want to trust others but you can’t because your head and heart have not reconciled your past experiences. This makes it difficult to move forward.
That being said, it’s important to understand the types of emotional baggage that you carry.
Types of Emotional Baggage
Not all baggage is “your fault.” You may be carrying baggage from sources outside of your control.
Family baggage
Growing up in dysfunctional families is a major source of emotional baggage. It’s where you learn your emotional behaviors and patterns. The problem of your parents and grandparents becomes your own. It’s time to let it go.
Mental health baggage
Having a mental health diagnosis is NOT a bad thing, however, it can be a contributing factor to the amount of emotional baggage you carry. Mental health issues can consume you and that causes you to need more reassurance than others.
Traumatic baggage
This can be the result of an abusive or traumatic relationship. If you don’t heal properly, you will find yourself seeking the same toxic traits in your other relationships.
Emotionally unavailable parents can cause you to seek relationships with others who are emotionally unavailable to you. The same is true for any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Examples of Emotional Baggage
Guilt
Guilt is normal but carrying it around for prolonged periods of time isn’t. The weight of the guilt is weighing you down. Instead of judging and sabotaging yourself, forgive yourself so that you can ask others to forgive you. Forgiveness always begins with self.
Shame
Unlike guilt, where it stems from external demands, shame goes to the deepest level of your being. It stems from not being truthful with yourself.
To break the pattern, begin speaking your truth…whatever it means for you in the moment, that will alleviate the feeling of not being truthful with yourself. Make sure you give yourself grace.
Regret
I promise you, you can’t change the past. It is pointless to punish yourself over what has already happened.
Understand that you made the BEST decision with the information you had at the time. If you’d known better you would’ve done better. If you learned a lesson from your prior experience, then there is no need to regret it.
Anger
Like guilt, anger is a normal response to any type of injustice. Holding on to it for a long period of time may cause other issues like depression, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and other physical and mental ailments.
To get over the anger, allow yourself to feel the feelings of it. When you hold on to anger it hurts you so much more than it hurts the person who may have triggered you to be angry.
Fear
Fear traps you inside of your own head and prevents you from enjoying life and your loved one. The best way to get over fear is to face your fears. Start small and work your way up.
Benefits of Dealing with Emotional Baggage
There are a number of benefits to dealing with emotional baggage. The greatest benefit is that you’ll learn more about yourself.
You’ll learn more about yourself
Because the baggage belongs to you, you’ll become more introspective. It can also deepen your awareness of the way you approach yourself and your relationships. As a result, you may recognize limiting beliefs you hold regarding relationships.
You’ll make better decisions in the future
Another benefit to dealing with your emotional baggage is that you’ll make better decisions in the future. You’ll use your past lessons to help move you forward and you’ll be more aware of who you can and cannot trust.
You’ll trust yourself more
Additionally, you’ll trust yourself more.The reason is because you’ll learn many of your triggers. Triggers represent unresolved issues.
For example, if you’re in a relationship and you’re triggered by something and if you’re willing to consciously deal with your baggage. You can prevent a meltdown and find ways to effectively address your situation.
You’ll be honest about your experiences
To avoid another tumultuous relationship, you’ll want to be honest about your own baggage. Remember, the truth always comes to light and eventually your baggage will appear so be honest about it.
You’ll be stronger
Although it seems counterintuitive, emotional baggage makes you stronger because you’ll be closer to knowing what it is that you want. You’ll respect your own space and your insecurities and recognize that you deserve to be loved!
As I said before, having emotional baggage is not a bad thing but you must know when to let it go. Healing comes when you let go of the baggage. If you’re ready to deal with your baggage, make sure you watch my FREE on-demand/Netflix style masterclass, How to Master Your Inner World, to learn more.
