Have you ever found yourself working towards your goals and then all of a sudden you do something crazy that causes you to fail?
Don’t worry, you are not alone. There are millions of people just like you. This is a sign of self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is dangerous because it diminishes your self-esteem and self-confidence. This, in turn, affects your relationships with other people.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is actively or passively doing things that prevent you from reaching your goals. It can be described as any behavior that interferes with you achieving your goals.
Self-sabotage is damaging to your own well-being.
Self-sabotaging behavior include:
- Procrastination
- Self-medication: drugs, alcohol, food
- Self-injury
- Perfectionism
- Negative self-talk
- Being Disorganized
- Excessive behavior: eating, exercising, watching TV
- Suppressing your feelings
- Lashing out at those around you
Manifestation of Self-Sabotage
The problem with self-sabotaging behaviors is that they have become socially acceptable. Some people are proud “procrastinators.” When you repeatedly put something off, you are sabotaging your efforts to move forward.
Likewise, if you are constantly telling yourself that you “can’t do it” or “you’re not worthy” of achieving something, you are sabotaging yourself.
Be aware of these subtle signs of sabotage because they can creep up on you. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in a deeper hole.
Sabotaging Yourself
There are a number of reasons you may be sabotaging yourself. Again, you are not alone in this. Millions of people engage in this type of behavior.
Lack of Self-worth
This is probably the #1 reason why you sabotage yourself. This usually happens when your beliefs are not in alignment with your behaviors.
For example, you may desire a promotion at work so you come in early, work late, take on extra assignments but you have a belief that nothing good ever happens to you or you’re not smart enough for the promotion.
Suddenly, you begin to slack off at work, come in late, and pick fights with your coworkers. The inconsistency between your beliefs and behavior is what triggers self-sabotaging behavior.
Imposter Syndrome
This is a fear of feeling like you’re going to be found out as a fraud over all of your accomplishments. You have this fear of success and you believe the higher you climb, the longer the fall.
Therefore, instead of moving towards your goals, you do as little as you can (self-sabotage) so that no one puts the spotlight on you because you don’t want to be found out as a fraud.
As such, you find other things to distract you or you procrastinate in accomplishing the tasks that will lead to your success.
Fear of Failure
This stems from the thought, “what if I give my all and it’s still not good enough?”
For most people, it’s easier to explain “why” you failed then to explain why you gave it your all and still didn’t succeed.
The funny thing is, success and failure are subjective terms. You can define what each of them mean to you.
Control
You want to be in control in case you fail. This perceived control is part of the reason why you begin self-sabotaging behaviors.
In case you didn’t know, your thoughts have meanings. Your belief that you are in control of the negative outcome is a self-sabotaging thought.
Playing the Victim
When you believe that you’re going to fail, you look for ways so that you can fail and you want to place blame on someone else.
It’s easier to say that you didn’t achieve your goals because of someone else instead of realizing your belief that you’re going to fail is what led to your failure.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
I have an entire module in my group coaching program, 90 Days to Find Your Bliss on overcoming self-sabotage. Enrollment is currently closed but click below to get on the wait list for when it opens back up.
Understand self-sabotage
As mentioned earlier, a lot of the self-sabotaging behaviors are socially acceptable. This makes you less likely to identify them as sabotaging your efforts.
Having a good understanding of what these behaviors look like will help you to make better decisions in the future.
Identify your self-sabotaging behavior
Since everyone is different, it is vitally important that you identify the behaviors that you engage in that sabotage your efforts.
Some may sabotage by self-medicating while others may sabotage with excessive behaviors like working too much or over-exercising. You must be able to identify the things that you do that prevent you from achieving your goals.
Identify the root causes of the behavior
To every cause there is an effect and to every effect there is a cause. In order to overcome these behaviors, you must be able to identify where they come from.
For some people, this can be traced back to childhood. Patterns learned and observed in childhood are difficult to break. Because of this, oftentimes, you seek these patterns in your life, even to your own detriment.
Another root cause can be trauma in past relationships. If you were neglected, felt unloved and unheard, in past relationships, you never learned how to advocate for yourself.
Instead of speaking up for yourself, stating your demands, you remain quiet, even if it means not achieving your own goals. Remember, the #1 reason most people self-sabotage is a lack of self-worth.
Create new patterns of behavior
Out with the old and in with the new. In order to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors, you must be willing to create new patterns. If not, you will find that your old patterns—ways of thinking will return.
Change your thoughts and beliefs and you will change your behavior.
Make small steps forward
“Eat the elephant one bite at a time.” Don’t try to do everything at once. That is setting yourself up for failure. Instead, take small, actionable, baby steps towards your goals.
Practice self-care
This is probably the most important element. It’s difficult to sabotage yourself when you are taking care of yourself.
Self-care is anything that you do deliberately to take care of your spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This is the opposite of self-sabotage. Look for ways to invest in yourself.
